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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest helping her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She must to honor her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some authentic experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?